"I have tried,
tried to fix everything you have broken.
which once was whole, but now is severed,
can no longer beat steady rhythms.
You seem to have left it in this state
where all it can manage
is a disjointed pattern, one that
not even the evilest
or the saddest of beings
could ever live with.
they no longer long to see me,
no longer long to be with me
because I am sad,
and raw sadness is an emotion few have felt.
But I do not blame them,
for now, even when
I am with them, I am not
truly there, and it’s easier
for them to make excuses
than to deal with this mutilated version
that is supposedly me
which once was filled
with wondrous ideas,
and inquiring questions,
has become plagued with terrible thoughts,
and haunting answers, that
no soul would want to know about.
My subconscious, soaked in melancholy,
has seeped through the cracks and crevasses which once
did not exist.
And in this ocean of sorrow,
I find myself drowning.
I am trying,
trying to fix everything you have broken.
I sit in the ever growing darkness
that is night,
and I try to fix myself
so that maybe you will love me again.
Until then, I will spend every moonlit hour
struggling to amend my damaged entity,
while you lay in bed, unaware,
"This is what silence sounds like:
Muffled cries and your heart
thumping against your rib cage.
A tap dripping.
Waves against the shore.
Your lungs keeping you alive
exhaling clouds on to my skin to create
When you lift seashell up to your ear
it’s not the sound of the ocean you’re hearing.
It’s the echoes of the inside
of your mind.
This is what silence looks like:
You disappearing before me and
the whole world stopping to look for you.
Your palm against mine
our fault lines grazing against each other.
A silhouette against a white wall.
Secrets hidden within myself.
Anything that is half way through falling.
May it be a rain drop from a cloud
a leaf leaving it’s nest
a young girl falling down the rabbit hole
for the very first time."
"No don’t fucking tell me you care. If you really care you won’t leave me. If you really care, you’d do everything to be part of my life. so just shut the fuck up"