"Sometimes I just want to tell him everything but I just breakdown instead."
"For someone who means so little, I certainly take up quite a bit of space."
I am so sorry
"Please teach me what it’s like to feel beautiful,
because I haven’t felt it in years. The last time
I felt pretty was when I was dancing around in
my new princess dress on my sixth birthday,
ever since then I forgot what it was like to
look in a mirror and feel okay. I’ve forgotten
what beauty is after years of covering my face
with this mask I call makeup, and people tell
me all the time that without the black shit
around my eyes, I would look better. They
say I don’t need pink blush on my skin
because when I’m smiling the apples of my
cheeks are redder than ever. They say that
when I wipe off the red lipstick, the natural
stain of my lips are better than the bright
blood color gloss. Yet they don’t know that
every time they say I don’t need makeup,
that I look better without it, it is a stab to my
heart.. I only ever feel confident with it, and
if I don’t even “need” it, then what do I need?
If they saw me without it they’d say, “oh, maybe
add a little mascara, you know, to brighten
your eyes.” So it’s a game that I can’t win.
I just want to know what it feels like to be
beautiful without this paint on my face,
without my hair sprayed in place, without
needing assurance from someone saying it."
It would make things so much easier.